Summer time, best time of the year to travel. If you love traffic and long TSA lines at the airport. But nonetheless, it’s when the kids are out of school and you can take a nice family vacation somewhere. Or can you? Your choice of where to sink your toes in the sand could result in an absolutely unforgettable time… for the worst.

In this article TFG has compiled the best places to go if you enjoy sun, sand, and medical experiments conducted by aliens.

5. Stockton, California

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Stockton, what a wonderful place in California. And California, exactly where people imagine personal freedom, acceptance for who you are and sunshine everyday. It does seem like a great little piece of western America. But what is this town really hiding?

According to the city’s website:

Stockton is a community rich in heritage and diversity.  Whether you live in Stockton or are visiting, there are always new things to experience and enjoy.

By “rich in heritage” they mean lots of alien butt-lovin’. According to an 1896 report from Colonel H. G. Shaw who had an alien encounter with his men while returning from Lodi, CA with a load of supplies for the Fresno Citrus Fair “… when we saw that we were being regarded more with an air of curiosity than anything else, we concluded to get out and investigate.”

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“Do you want to get abducted? Because that’s how you get abducted.”

Shaw and his men were never actually abducted, but this account is one of the very first accounts of modern alien encounters. Shaw tells us that these creatures were beautiful and were not feared by his men. They were “graceful to a degree” and “divinely beautiful”.

Next time you see that cute girl at the bar, you might want to think twice.

4. São Francisco de Sales, Brazil

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Ah, yes, Brazil. What a wonderful country for tourists. Sandy beaches, amazing mountains and the Amazon river for the fisherman. The mysteries of the rain forest in South America appeal to even the most novice of travelers.

Just look at how Brazil’s tourism site describes their capital.

Blue skies, a wide horizon, futuristic architecture and a very green scenery. The capital of Brasil is a special city!

But back in 1957, Antônio Vilas Boas may have had a different idea about tourism to the great country of Brazil.

When he was abducted, Antônio was just a poor 23-year-old farmer working at night to avoid the harsh sun. On October 26th, he was plowing fields when he saw a “red star” in the sky.

After what would be a hentai lovers dream, he was told (via hand signals) that his baby-momma was a strong independent alien woman who don’t need no man.

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“I don’t need no man”

Good old Antonio wound up being a lawyer. Just goes to show you, even if you’re a piss-poor farm hand that gets abducted by aliens, you can still have a prosperous life.

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Until she wants that child support…

3. Exeter, New Hampshire

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Live Free or Die. That’s the state motto in the great state of New Hampshire. But a news article from the early 60’s suggests, maybe they should rethink that motto. Something like “Live Free and Get Probed” or “Live Free and Get Your Organs Harvested by Extra Terrestrials”. On September 19th, 1961, Betty and Barney Hill were abducted just outside of Exeter. Just look at the beautiful couple and their dog.

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The judgement is already oozing through your keyboard, you racist asshole…

According to the story, the couple were coming back from a vacation in Canada when they encountered a craft in the air. Barney said he believed it was an airplane or satellite but Betty, who’s sister had seen a UFO before, believed they were looking at an alien craft.

They stopped to let their dachshund relieve herself, and Barney decided to investigate with  his binoculars. Two hours later and 35 miles down the road, they had no recollection of anything that had happened. Now, how often does that happen to most people?

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“Everyday, man, every damn day.”

After the incident, Betty went on to be a UFO hunter. Barney on the other hand was reluctant to even describe the account to anyone. Why? What was Barney hiding?

Well, Barney was a U.S. Postal Service worker! He was already a part of the establishment. It’s cited several times that he was suffering from “ulcers” and that’s why he couldn’t handle the “stress” of being in the public eye.

Nonetheless, go check out Exeter’s homepage and Rediscover Your Independence. There’s even a beautiful historic Inn for you to lube up before your wonderful rediscovery.

2. La Crosse, Wisconsin

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A beautiful little sleepy town in western Wisconsin near the Minnesota state line, La Crosse has a pretty decent art scene and plenty of outdoors activities. It’s also the site of one of the most bizarre and credible alien abductions in recent history.

On the evening of March 20, 1988, Dr. John Salter Jr. and his son John III were on their way from Grand Forks, Wisconsin to New Orleans for an academic paper the doctor was presenting on civil rights and self defense. But just after they left La Crosse, they suffered a strange sort of amnesia where they not only lost time, but they also took a wrong turn and wound up quite a bit off their intended course.

If you’re thinking, “Sure, highway hypnosis, and what not, everyone zones out from time to time while driving,” does this look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t know exactly where he was going all of the time?

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The bolo speaks for itself.

But here’s the oddity: not only was it not a problem for the Salters, they later actually came in contact with friendly aliens while driving and said that they were then able to remember what had happened along the way. Apparently the aliens welcomed the Salters aboard their ship, had a nice conversation with them over coffee, and then gave them a full complimentary medical examination. That’s the definition of hospitality. Here’s what the Dr. Salter had to say about the changes he experienced afterward.

My immunity is heightened; flu bugs may touch me but don’t dig deeply in and the few colds I may now get are very insignificant and short-lived. My energy level is up and my sleep needs, never really substantial, are down. Although not in any sense a “craving,” my protein needs are very heavy and, in May, 1989, I began taking eight amino acid supplements per day–which has returned to normal my burgeoning meat consumption! An auto wreck in Mississippi in 1963 left some residual disfigurement on the right side of my face, but by spring, 1989, this had faded completely into normalcy.

So, hey, maybe it’s not all that bad getting abducted. Those sound like some pretty awesome dudes just travelling the galaxy and giving a proverbial cosmic flu shot to those they encounter. Not to mention that there’s plenty of Tuesday Night Bingo you can play while waiting around on those guys to show up.

If you want to read Dr. Salter’s full report you can find it here. Warning: it reads like a novel written by someone who writes stereo instructions for a living.

1. Snowflake, Arizona

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I can’t even promote this town, not even in a joking manner. I mean, there is literally no reason why anyone would visit this place. Unless you enjoy the scenery of passing tumbleweeds, there’s just not much to see here.

Except, of course, the town where a 1975 alien abduction took place. On the evening of November 5, 1975, Travis Walton and 6 of his co-workers were coming home from a long day of logging in the Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest when they spotted a strange illuminated disk hovering close to their truck. According to the crew, Travis decided to get out of the truck and investigate.

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“Did I stutter last time?”

The reports from the crew were then backed up by a polygraph test, and Travis even wrote a book about his experience in which he detailed as much as he could remember from the abduction. He claims that after he awoke on the space craft, he was in a what seemed to be an examination room with 3 “short, bald creatures” standing over him. Once those creatures left the room a man wearing a helmet came in, took him into another room and placed a clear plastic mask over his face. Walton blacked out and remembers nothing until he was found on the highway 5 days later.

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Just your average erotic Saturday night…

The aftermath of the abduction resulted in a severe case of what we’d now diagnose as PTSD. That is, if any doctor would have believed him. Most dismissed it all as a hoax made up by him and his buddies to collect a $5000 prize from The National Enquirer for “best UFO case of the year”.

The media sensationalized the case and Walton’s book was eventually made into a movie some 15 years after he’d had it published. Just check out the trailer for it and see if it doesn’t make your skin crawl…

Walton has a website where he’s still trying to get his story out there and warn the masses about the dangers of alien abductions. Well, that and to promote his book and movie. Dude’s gotta eat right?

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